I'm just saying, man, I know what people mean when they say this, but I don't necessarily agree with it.
And I think they mean well when people say, you know, a lot of times people say, hey, we're all the same.
We're all the same.
No, we're not.
We're different.
And it's good to be different.
You got to respect other people's differences.
You got to love whatever your race is, whatever your ethnicity is, no matter what it is, it's helped you and it's hurt you before.
Just to make up who you are.
I'm serious.
Serious.
I'm black, so I've been pulled over by the police for no reason, just because I'm black.
But also, because I'm black, I've been pulled over by the police so many times, I've developed superpowers around the police that allow me to figure out how to get out of the situation.
Sometimes they pull you over and what they think you're doing isn't as bad as what you're really doing.
I was rolling a blunt one time and dry.
The police got behind me.
I put the blunt on a notebook and put some paper over it.
He walked up to the window and he was like, I noticed you had your head down through that stoplight.
Were you texting?
I was like, you goddamn right.
I'm addicted to text.
I'm a textaholic.
This phone is going to kill me.
It lets you know what to do.
Sometimes I don't know what to do.
One time I got pulled over.
The police found a little bit of weed in the car.
It wasn't even enough to smoke.
It was a little bit, just like a little leaf.
He put it in my face and he was like, where did you get it from?
Right now, tell me, where did you get it from?
Where did you get it from?
It was so small, I was like, can you hold it still so I can see it?
He held it right up in front of my face.
At first, I tried to blow it out his hand.
I was like, and then that * went like an autumn leaf.
It looped three times.
But he caught that bitch.
And he was like, the * are you doing?
I said, I sneezed.
Now, what did you ask me again?
One time I got pulled over.
I'll tell you, I'm from the South.
I was in, like, South Georgia.
Like, right where Florida turned into Georgia.
Like, Florida.
You know, like, it looked like, it looked like the Dukes of Hazzard.
Out there.
Like, so, I'm riding.
Police pulled me over.
And, look, I'm going to tell you all this.
I'm from the South.
So, I usually gauge how racist white people are.
By whether or not I can see their lips.
When they talking to me.
Like, this police officer got out of the car.
His lips were gone.
And he was, he got out of the car.
Get the * out of the car right now!
I was like, oh, my God.
The hate has dissolved your lips.
Let me just.
I got out of my car and started walking to the back of his car.
He's like, where are you going?
I said, I'm just going to go ahead and get in.
Because I'm pretty sure I know where this is going.
So, I'm standing by his car.
He's like, is there any drugs in the car?
And I was like, I don't think so.
So, he goes and he searches the car.
And he, you know, he looks through.
And he finds like a little roach.
Like a piece of a blunt.
I didn't know it was in there.
He finds it.
He comes back.
He's like, what is this?
I thought you said there wasn't any drugs.
I was like, if I knew it was in there, I would have smoked it.
Can I smoke it now?
But no, he put the cuffs on me.
Put the cuffs on me.
He put the roach on the back of the cruiser.
He left me back there with the cuffs on by the cruiser.
He went back and started searching the car some more.
How?
I was looking at him.
And I was looking at the blunt.
I was looking at him.
And I was looking at the blunt.
And he bent down behind the seat.
So, I just leaned over.
I was like, oh, in one bite.
My mouth worked together perfectly.
My tongue scooped it.
My lips grabbed it.
My throat swallowed it.
And then I just started looking in the woods like I was bird watching.
He came back around.
He was like, where is it?
Where is the blunt?
And I was like, it's windy out here.
Aren't you supposed to secure the evidence?
And then I just...
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