I walked to the door with you
The air was cold
But something about it felt
Like home somehow And I left my scarf there at your sister's
house And you've still got it in your drawer even
now
Oh, your sweet disposition And my wide-eyed gaze
We're singing in the car Getting lost upstate
Autumn leaves falling down Like pieces into place
And I can picture it After all these days
And I know it's long gone And that magic's not here no more
And I might be okay But I'm not fine at all
Oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Cause there we are again On that little town street
We almost ran the red Cause you were looking over at me
Wind in my hair I was there I remember it all too well
Photo album on the counter Your cheeks were turning red
You used to be a little kid with glasses in your twin-sized bed
And your mother's telling stories about you on the t-ball team
You told me about your past Thinking you future was me
And you were tossing me the car keys But
the patriarchy keychain on the ground
We were always skipping town And I was thinking on the drive down
And he timed out He's gonna say it's love
You never called it what it was Till we were dead and gone and buried
Check the pulse and come back swearing it's the same
After three months in the grave And
then you wondered where it went to
As I reached for you But all I felt was shame
And you held my lifeless frame
And I know it's long gone And there was nothing else I could do
And I forget about you long enough To forget why I
needed to
Cause there we are again In the middle of the night
Dancing round the kitchen In the refrigerator loud
Down the stairs I was there I remember it all too well
And there we are again When nobody had to know
You kept me like a secret But I kept you like an oath
Sacred prayer and we'd swear To remember it all too well
Well maybe we got lost in translation Maybe I asked for too much
But maybe this thing was a masterpiece Till you tore it all up
Running scared I was there I remember it all too well
And you called me up again Just to break me like a promise
So casually cruel In the name of being honest
I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here Cause I remember it all,
all, all, all, all
They say all's well that ends well But I'm in a new hell every time
You double crossed my
mind You said if we had been closer in age
Maybe it would've been fine And that made me want to die
The idea you had of me, who was she?
A never needy, ever lovely jewel
Whose shine reflects on you Not weeping in a party bathroom
Some actress asking me what happened
to you That's what happened to you
Charmed my dad with self-effacing jokes
Sipping coffee like you're on a late night show
But then he watched me watch the front
door all night Willing you to come
And he said it's supposed to be fun
Turning 21
Time
won't fly,
it's like I'm paralyzed by it I'd like to be my old self again
But I'm still trying to find it After bladshirt
days and nights when you made me your own
Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone
But you keep my old scarf from that very first week
Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me
You can't get rid of it Cause you remember it all too well
Cause here we are again when I loved you so Back
before you lost the one real thing you've ever known
It was rare,
I was there,
I remember it all too well
Wind in my hair,
you were there You remember it all down the stairs
You were there,
you remember it all It was rare,
I was there,
I remember it all too well
And I was never good at telling
jokes But the punchline goes I'll
get older But your lovers stay my age
From when your Brooklyn broke my skin in bolts
I'm a soldier who's returning half her weight
And did the twin flame bruise paint you blue?
Just between us did the love affair maim you too?
Cause in these cities,
rare and cold I still remember the first fall of snow
And how it glistened as it fell
I remember it all too well
Just between us did the love affair maim you all too well
Just between us do you remember it all too well
Just between us I
remember it all too well
They say it all swells and it ends
well But I'm in a new hell every time
You double crossed my mind You said we had been closer in age
Maybe it would have been fine And that baby wants to die
The idea you had of me, who was she?
Never me, the ever lovely Jewel
Whose shine reflects on you
Not weeping in a party bathroom
Some actress asking me what happened
to you That's what happened to you
You who charmed my dad with self
-effacing jokes Sipping coffee like you're on a late night
show But then he watched me watch the front door
all night Willing you to come
And he said it's supposed to be fun
Turning 21