I was riding on the Mayflower when I thought I spot some land...
Start again.
Wait a minute.
Okay,
take two.
I was riding on the Mayflower when I thought I spot some land...
I yelled for Captain E-Rev,
I'll have you understand...
Who came running to the deck,
said boys forget the whale...
We're going over yonder,
cut the engines,
change the sails...
All on the bowline, we sang that melody...
Like all tough sailors do,
when they're far away at sea...
I think I'll call it America,
I said as we hit land...
I took a deep breath,
I fell down,
I could not stand...
Captain A-Rev,
he started writing up some deeds...
He said let's set up a fort and start buying a place with beads...
Just then this cop comes down the street,
crazy as a loon...
He throws us all in jail for carrying our coat...
Me, I busted out, don't even ask me how...
I went to get some help,
I walked by Guernsey Cow...
Who directed me down to the Bowery slums...
Where people carried signs around saying ban the bums...
I jumped right in the line,
saying I hope that I'm not late...
When I realized I hadn't eaten for five days straight...
I went into a restaurant looking for the cook...
I told him I was the editor of a famous etiquette book...
The waitress,
he was handsome,
he wore a powder blue cape...
I ordered some sousette,
I said could you please make that crepe...
Just then the whole kitchen exploded from boiling fat...
Food was flying everywhere,
I left without my hat...
Now I didn't mean to be nosy,
but I went into a bank...
To get some bail for A-Rev and all the boys back in the tank...
They asked me for some collateral and I pulled down my pants...
They threw me in the alley when up comes this girl from France...
Who invited me to her house,
I went but she had a friend...
Who knocked me out and robbed my
boots and I was on the street again...
Well I'm wrapped up on a house with a US flag upon display...
I said could you help me out,
I got some friends down the way...
A man says get out of here,
I'll tear your limb from limb...
I said you know they refuse Jesus too,
he said you're not him...
Get out of here before I break your bones,
I ain't your pop...
I decided to have him arrested and I went looking for a cop...
I ran right outside, I hopped inside a cab...
I went out the other door,
this Englishman said fab...
As he saw me leap a hot dog stand and a chariot that stood...
Parked across from a building advertising brotherhood...
I ran right through the front door like a hobo sailor does...
But it was just a funeral parlor and a man asked me who I was...
I repeated that my friends were all in jail with a sigh...
He gave me his card,
he said call me if they die...
I shook his hand and said goodbye,
ran out to the street...
When a bowling ball came down the road and knocked me off my feet...
A payphone was ringing,
it just about blew my mind...
When I picked it up and said hello,
this foot came through the line...
Well by this time I was fed up at trying to make a stab...
At bringing back any help for my friends and Captain A-Rab...
I decided to flip a coin like either heads or tails...
But let me know if I should go back to ship or back to jail...
So I hocked my sailor suit and I got a coin to flip...
I flipped tails around my sail so I made it back to the ship...
Well I got back and took the parking ticket off the mast...
I was ripping it to shreds when this Coast Guard boat went past...
They asked me my name and I said Captain Kidd...
They believed me but they wanted to know what exactly that I did...
For the Pope of Ebrook I was employed,
they let me go right away...
They were very paranoid...
Well the last I heard of A-Rab,
he was stuck on a whale...
That was married to the Deputy Sheriff of the Jail...
But the funniest thing was when I was leaving the bay...
I saw three ships sailing,
they were all heading my way...
I asked the Captain what his name was
and how come he didn't drive a truck...
He said his name was Columbus...
I just said good luck...