People have different preferences, don't they?
I was doing a show recently and I was having a drink
with one of the other comics after the show
and we were just having a bit of a chat
and she said to me, Lloyd,
would you consider yourself to be like a breast man
or a bum man?
I was like, well, it's not a deal breaker, you know,
but usually I insist upon both.
You know, I would go out for an arseless girl
but she'd keep slipping off the chair, you know.
It'd be awkward.
She's like, no, come on, be serious.
It's like breasts or bums.
I was like, well, it depends on the context, you know.
Like if I'm ordering chicken in a restaurant, breast.
If I'm wondering where it's acceptable
to put my hands either side of, doing a conga, bum.
If you're trying to feed a baby, breast.
Don't * up that last one.
She said, oh, the thing about me, Lloyd,
is that I've got a really nice clavicle.
I'm not going to lie to you.
I didn't know what a clavicle was, right?
I thought it was a type of posh flute.
Clarinet, apparently.
If you don't know the clavicle, I can show you.
This here is the clavicle.
She was like, I've got a really nice clavicle.
I was like, I'm sorry to be the person to break this to you,
but everybody has a really nice clavicle.
I've never seen a bad clavicle.
I don't know if you've ever seen the film The Elephant,
I mean, I'd hardly describe him as a looker,
but between here and here, he's * hot stuff.
She's like, that's a thing, isn't it,
for a woman to have a nice clavicle?
I was like, it's definitely not a thing.
I've had countless conversations with men about women.
I'll be honest, a clavicle has never once made an appearance.
In the same way a group of women in a nightclub toilet
rarely discuss the length of a man's tibia.
You know, it's just not...
She's like, the clavicle is a thing.
I said, it's not a thing.
I said, why you ask me whether I was a breast man or a bum man, you know?
Not whether I was a clavicle man.
That's why they make breast porn and bum porn, you know,
but they don't make any clavicle porn.
Actually, in the interest of fully researching this joke,
I put clavicle porn into Google.
Do you know what you get if you put clavicle porn into Google?
I'll tell you, disappointment.