A lot of people ask me, stupid ***in' questions

A lot of people think that, what I say on record

Or what I talk about on a record, that I actually do in real life

Or that I believe in it

Or if I say that, I want to kill somebody, that

I'm actually gonna do it

Or that I believe in it

Well, ***, if you believe that

Then I'll kill you

You know why? Cause I'm a criminal!

Criminal

You god damn right

I'm a criminal

Yeah, I'm a criminal My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge

That will stab you in the head

Whether you're a fag or les'

Or the homo-***, hermaph', or a trans'a'vest'

Pants or dress, hate fags? the answer's "yes"

Homophobic? nah, you're just hetero phobic

Starin' at my jeans, watchin' my genitals bulgin' (ooh!)

That's my mother***in' balls, you'd better let go of 'em

They belong in my scrotum

You'll never get hold of 'em

Hey, it's me, versace

Whoops, somebody shot me!

And I was just checkin' the mail

Get it? checkin' the 'male'?

How many records you expectin' to sell

After your second l.p sends you directly to jail?

Come on! relax guy, I like gay men

Right, ken? give me an amen (amen!)

Please lord, this boy needs jesus

Heal this child, help us destroy these demons

Oh, and please send me a brand new car

And a prostitute while my wife's sick in the hospital

Preacher preacher, fifth grade teacher

You can't reach me, my mom can't neither

You can't teach me a goddamn thing 'cause

I watch t.v, and comcast cable

And you ain't able to stop these thoughts

You can't stop me from toppin' these charts

And you can't stop me from droppin' each march

With a brand new c-d for these ***in' retards

Duh, and to think, it's just little ol' me

Mr. "don't give a ***," still won't leave [chorus: x2]

I'm a criminal

Cause every time I write a rhyme

These people think it's a crime

To tell em what's on my mind, I guess I'm a criminal

But I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird

And keep goin', I don't take *** from no one My mother did drugs, tar, liquor, cigarettes, and speed

The baby came out, disfigured, ligaments indeed

It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she

Don't dare make fun of that baby cause that baby was me

I'm a criminal

An animal caged who turned crazed

But how the *** you supposed to grow up when you weren't raised?

So as I got older and I got a lot taller

My dick shrunk smaller, but my balls got larger

I drink more liquor to *** you up quicker

Than you'd want to *** me up for sayin' the word

My morals went, when the president got oral

*** in his oval office on top of his desk

Off of his own employee

Now don't ignore me, you won't avoid me

You can't miss me, I'm white, blond-haired

And my nose is pointy

I'm the bad guy, who makes fun of people that die

In plane crashes and laughs

As long as it ain't happened to him

Slim shady, I'm as crazy as em-

Inem and kim combined the maniac's in

Replacin' the doctor cause dre couldn't make it today

He's a little under the weather, so I'm takin' his place

(mm-mm-mm!) oh, that's dre with an a.k to his face

Don't make me kill him too and spray his brains all over the place

I told you dre, you should've kept that thing put away

I guess that will teach you not to let me play with it, eh?

I'm a criminal

Aight look (uh huh) just go up in that mother***er

Get the mother***in' money and get the *** up outta there Aight

I'll be right here waitin' on you

Aight

Yo 'em

What?

Don't kill nobody this time Aw'right, god damn, ***

How you doin'?

Hi, how can I help you?

Yeah I need to make a withdrawal

Okay

Put the ***in' money in the bag bitch and I won't kill you! What? oh my god, don't kill me

I'm not gonna kill you bitch, quit lookin' around

Don't kill me, please don't kill me

I said I'm not gonna ***in' kill you

Hurry the *** up! Thank you!

Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it

So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it

So I'll be disguised in it

And if anybody identifies the guy in it

I'll hide for five minutes

Come back, shoot the eyewitness

Fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business

Die, bitches, bastards, brats, pets

This puppy's lucky I didn't blast his ass yet

If I ever gave a ***, I'd shave my nuts

Tuck my dick in between my legs and cluck

You mother***in' chickens ain't brave enough

To say the stuff I say, so just tape it shut

***, half the *** I say, I just make it up

To make you mad so kiss my white naked ass

And if it's not a rapper that I make it as

I'm a be a ***in' rapist in a jason mask [chorus: x2]