Draft Dodger rag.
Oh, I'm just a typical American boy from a typical American town.
I believe in God and Senator Dodd and keepin' old Castro down.
And when it came my time to serve, I knew better dead than red.
But when I got to my old draft board, buddy, this is what I said.
Sarge, I'm only 18, I got a ruptured spleen and I always carry a purse.
I got eyes like a bat, my feet are flat, my asthma's gettin' worse.
Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear, my poor old invalid aunt.
Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school and I'm a-workin' in a defense plant.
I got a dislocated disc and a racked up back, I'm allergic to flowers and bugs.
And when the bombshell hits, I get epileptic fits and I'm addicted to a thousand drugs.
I got the weakness, woes, I can't touch my toes, I can hardly reach my knees.
And if the enemy came close to me, oh, I'd probably start to sneeze.
Yes, I'm only 18, I got a ruptured spleen and I always carry a purse.
I got eyes like a bat, my feet are flat, my asthma's gettin' worse.
Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear, my poor old invalid aunt.
Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school and I'm a-workin' in a defense plant.
I hate John Locke and I hope he dies, but one thing you gotta see,
that someone's gotta go over there and that someone isn't me.
So I wish you well, Sarge, give him hell, kill me a thousand or so.
And if you ever get a war without blood and gore, I'll be the first to go.
Yes, I'm only 18, I got a ruptured spleen and I always carry a purse.
I got eyes like a bat, my feet are flat, my asthma's gettin' worse.
Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear, my poor old invalid aunt.
Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school and I'm a-workin' in a defense plant.
Thank you.