The following song is brought to you by Chex Mix.
When I first saw you, you were driving the bus.
Thick skin, strong nose like a rhinoceros.
Dream girl so beautiful, lips all crummy.
Skin like asphalt, nose so runny.
Thick thighs, no waist, not a care in the world.
You not crazy, girl.
You just my baby girl.
You're a vision in sweats with a neon patch.
Half-eaten squirrel hanging out of your mouth.
Rainbow poncho, the female tanto.
Hear a loud noise,
start b-bucking like a bronco.
Dream girl,
you're a fantasy.
You're the only one out there for me,
my love.
You got your cell phone ring set to sex in the city.
You like a hot bowl of grits,
only way more gritty.
Straight dripping in turquoise,
my Santa Fe queen.
One short leg, you got the Santa Fe lean.
It's music to my ears when you're screaming you're sleeping.
When you lift your skirt in public,
yo,
I can't help but peek.
You like Cleopatra with the eyes of a pig.
Love to watch you in the backyard when you go out to dig.
Girl,
how'd you get those mousetraps glued to your neck?
Little rascal,
how'd you get screwed to the deck?
You put away slurpees like a trash can.
Your smile's all stainy,
and you're not too brainy.
And I like that.
Poking through your shoe like it's your friend.
I like that.
Yelling at the walls and make pretends.
I like that.
Telling you to stop, and then you don't.
You say you're going to stab me in my sleep.
But you won't.
Last week, thought I saw you on the street.
Turns out it was a bag of tracks.
Just a big old bag of tracks.
I thought you looked like a bag of tracks.
Dream girl,
I pitch a tent when you stomp in the room.
Like a hell-bound turkey mixed with a baboon.
You're sexy,
and you're spicy like a bowl of Chex Mix.
And I always feel safe when I'm in your flesh mitts.
Your teeth so clean,
could have swore you were British.
Never take your checks mixed,
because you always get skittish.
Open clams with both feet,
because you're ambidextrous.
No point,
because we know you eat nothing but Chex Mix.
Chex Mix, number one food snack in the land.
It's a cereal taste that you eat with your hand.
Chex Mix at your local grocer by your box.
Your family will all say, Chex Mix rocks.
Chex Mix,
you're the snack of me.
You're the only one I'll ever eat.
Chex Mix,
you're delicious.
You got 60% less fat than potato chips.
To you.