I guess I've never felt that need to belong.
You know, I think you have to be comfortable in your own skin.
You know, I just, like, I'm happy being in comedy,
but I've never felt the need.
Like, I've never been, like, a member of a club.
I've never, like, supported a football team.
You'd be surprised to learn I'm not in a gang.
Have I got any gang members in?
Any gang bangers?
Any patched up?
Do you know what I mean by gangs?
Like, groups of, like, naughty men?
It's sort of, like, mischievous, but, like, hierarchical, you know?
Then they're very naughty, but there's an order to them.
Do you have gangs in Islington?
Is it between, like, Sainsbury's and Waitrose?
Do you have gangs in North London?
No?
Or are you all afraid, such is the might of the gang?
We don't want to talk about the gangs on camera.
Don't want to be shanked and pushed into the canal.
Gangs make me laugh.
They just do, the notion of gangs.
Like, if you're unsure of whether you should join a gang or not, right,
when you get home, you're like,
in the privacy of your own home, have a look in your underwear,
and if there's, like, springy hair in there,
you're too old to be in a gang.
When I was in New Zealand at the start of the year in Auckland,
they have a real gang problem in Auckland.
Now, I didn't know about this,
and I was just talking about gangs on stage because they make me laugh,
and a woman in the audience, she got really angry.
She was like, yeah, we've got loads of gangs in Auckland.
I was like, all right, cool, and she just started listing them.
She goes, yeah, we've got the mongrel mob,
we've got Black Power,
we've got the King Cobras,
we've got the Killer Bees.
And I just started laughing at the Killer Bees.
Like, I was like, oh, my God, that is brilliant.
And it just made me laugh,
like all the other good animals had been taken.
They were like, oh, fine, all right, we've got the bees then.
And I was laughing at the Killer Bees,
and she goes, yeah, you wouldn't be saying that
if the Killer Bees were here.
I was like, you know, you're right,
but I don't think I've got any in this evening.
You know, I would have recognised them
by their black and yellow stripy jumpers.
At which point, like, a moth flew down from the ceiling
and landed on my neck and then flew off again.
I was like, *, I've been sent a message.
Don't badmouth the Killer Bees.
She knew about gangs, this lady.
I think she was gang-affiliated, if I'm honest,
but she was keen to talk about it.
So I was like, all right, so what do the gangs do then in Auckland?
And she goes, ah, they make sandwiches.
I was like, what?
She goes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They make sandwiches.
And someone else goes, yeah, they do, they make sandwiches.
I was like, what do you mean they make sandwiches?
She goes, well, they make loads of sandwiches
and they go to the poorer areas of Auckland,
they wait outside the school gates,
poor children that can't afford packed lunches
come out at lunchtime,
the gang members give them sandwiches
and then they can go back into the school
and have something to eat at lunchtime.
I was like, that's incredible.
I was like, how do they get the money for the sandwiches?
She goes, ah, they sell drugs.
I was like, they've got that entirely
the wrong way round altogether.
We need to get rid of all this crystal meth
and then we can get in some sweet ham and cheddar slices.
I got a big shipment coming in, cookie.
No, a Branston pickle.