Dating is weird because dating is such an awkward time
because it normally hits about junior high age,
right?
Like when the hormone fairy has arrived.
You know what I'm talking about.
And guys start growing that little mustache
that their grandmother has.
And they got that one hair on their chest,
so they feel like they have to unbutton their shirt
down to their pants, right?
See my hair?
It's between the freckle and the pimple.
It's right there.
And the other thing that's funny is
guys voices are cracking now.
That's embarrassing because they have to ask the girls out.
You know,
guys will walk up and go, hi.
Girls will rub it in.
How cute.
Come here, look who's asking me out.
It's Jippin Dale.
Do you remember the first time you ever asked a girl out,
guys,
and you're
standing in the hallway and you're at your
locker pretending like you're trying to get
in and all your friends are going,
she's right over there,
man.
Ask her out, man, ask her
out.
You're a winner.
What a winner, winner, winner, winner, winner.
And she's like five
lockers down pretending to get into her locker going,
he's coming over here.
And all her
friends are going, he's going to ask you out.
He's going to ask you out.
And you're over
here trying to fight it going, shut up, man.
Just leave me alone.
Winner, winner, winner,
winner, winner.
And you're trying to fake the get in your locker and finally you make
the decision,
okay,
I'm going,
I'm going,
I'm going,
leave me alone,
I'm going.
And
guys,
you turn,
she's only five feet away,
but all of a sudden she's like 10 miles away.
And that slow motion music starts,
you start taking steps like,
chariots of fire is in
the background and you can hear your heart pounding.
And in the background you hear this,
what a winner.
Winner, winner.
You get up to the girl and all of a sudden her friends
go, got to go put on lipstick, bye.
And they all leave but their ears stay right there.
And then the guy has to go through the,
um, hi, um, do you want to go out with me?
And what does the girl do?
No.
Well, you're a pig.
I don't want to go out with you anyway, man.
No, you're a dog.
And he's high-fiving his friend,
yeah,
she's a dog.
And all her friends go over, why'd you do that?
You've been waiting for a month for him to ask you out.
I'm trying to play hard to get.
You know.
Barfa, son.