
Song
Kevin Hart
House Work(Live From The Laff House, Philadelphia, PA/2006)

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I'm too competitive with my daughter though. Very competitive. Because I got a friend of mine that had a baby around the same time. Like his baby's probably a week and a half older than mine. But we constantly arguing over who's baby's smart. Damn serious. Like this is an argument that we really have on a consistent basis. I'm like, look man, I don't think your baby is mentally where she should be. I don't think she is. My baby's doing a lot of stuff better than your baby. He's like, nigga, my baby's smarter than yours. I'm like, bitch, bet money my baby's smarter than yours. He's like, bet? I'm like, bet? Bitch, you wanna bet? He's like, bet? Whatever. I'm like, let's sit him in the middle of the floor and bet money on which baby can hold their head up the longest. And he's like, bet? I'm like, bet, bitch? So we threw the money there and we put the babies in the middle of the floor. And they were sitting there. It's like they knew what was going on. His baby's chin touched her chest. And I'm like, that's a foul, bitch. Give him that money. Come on, baby. Get the fuck out of here. Come on, baby. I'll pay you something. I love my little girl, man. Kids change you, though. Kids make you grow up, man. Gotta do shit a lot different when you got kids. I had to go buy a house. Didn't want to get a house. I would've fucking rented forever if it was up to me. But you know, you get a kid, you're like, damn, gotta get your baby a home. You want him to grow up in a house. Only thing I don't like about the whole house shit is the neighbor situation. I don't like my neighbor. I don't like my neighbor. Because this nigga, I feel like he does shit intentionally to make me feel like I'm not a man. Because he's a handyman. Like he's always working on his house. Nigga always got a hammer in his hand or some shit. Or a shovel digging up some dirt. Anytime you try to talk to him, he always got some fucking house shit to talk about. I don't give a fuck what time of day it is. What's up, child? What's going on? Nothing, man. I'm about to put these gutters up on the side of the house. Another pipeline underneath. My plumbing inside is good, but if I put another line, I can flush my toilets a lot faster, man. I'm like, dude, what the fuck are you talking about? I just said hi, man. That's all he ever says. Fucking hi. Put the hammer down. Jesus. Because I don't fit in with him. So I be trying to force a friendship with this guy. Like I went to Home Depot and bought a bunch of wood and brick. And I just put it in my front yard. So when he got home, I could have something to talk about. When he got home, I was like, hey, what's up, Todd? Yeah, man. You see it. I'm about to. Because I saw this thing on the roof. So I'm going to. Plus, I got to put that. I got to paste that. So. Hey, I got to go. So I'll see you later, all right? I said, dude, I didn't know what the fuck I was talking about, man. That wood been in my front yard for the longest time. It has.
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