When I was born, there was a minor hitch If ugliness paid money, I'd be rich Such a fascinating case, my ass was cuter than my face The doctors couldn't tell which end was which When you're just a kid, you know it doesn't matter much The opposite sex pay no attention to your crutch But as the years go by, that's all we think about until we die So it's your birthday, here's to ya A day a one year uglier than you were yesterday Happy birthday, hip hip hooray When I was seventeen, I got addicted To any magazine that said restricted But I'd so many acne spots, there were no gaps between the dots The only love I got was self-inflicted But it don't matter much, especially when you're in your teens All you need's a good imagination and some magazines But as the years add up, you get more action Cause your standards drop So it's your birthday, here's to ya A day a far more desperate than you were yesterday Happy birthday, hip hip hooray The best thing about a birthday is when that wish you make Comes true and you can blow on something other than a cake It's your birthday, here's to ya A day a far more chubbier than you were yesterday Happy birthday, it's your birthday Happy birthday, hip hip hooray Happy birthday, hip hip hooray