Come on over, honey, and give your Uncle Dolomite a kiss. Well, what you want, baby? Won't you tell me a story? You want me to tell you a story? Hell yeah, me too. Yes, honey, I'm going to tell you a story about the bad-ass Eazy-E. He was drinking whiskey and gin at the age of three. Listen and listen well. He's a bad- Give me that book. Here, let me read you this one. Christmas in Compton. It was a silent night. Yes, a holy night. Until Mr. Claus turned into Santa. Right? Merry Christmas! Merry, merry, ho, ho, Christmas and a ho, ho, ho, ho While I'm ridin' that d**k under the mistletoe And I'm dashing through the snow In a candy-wrapped top six bow Over the hills I go Laughing at this s**t Nuts on a merchant ring Making me feel right Oh, what fun it is to know That I'm gonna get this s**t tonight So, ring them bells, ring them bells She's taking it all the way Oh, what fun it is to want to Suck my d**k this way Hey, ring them bells, ring them bells She's taking it all the way Oh, what fun it is to love What she's thinking about Okay, stop Tis the season to get bent And cops are crying And I'm smoking all this s**t Ho, ho, ho, ho Come sit on my d**k face I mean lap And tell me what you want for Christmas Ho, ho, ho I want a sleigh ride On Christmas Eve's different route She said I'd slide down the chimney In a pool of c**k I think they are on the set With number porno flicks Give us a route up the Red Nose Range Tell him I'm wrong Like an everlasting cop star Give me a hurl For his tongue You'll be the bloody pumper I dig a h**k like a d**k By the North Pole I wish me heaven But I should talk s**t in the snow I took the drop to his knees Yeah, you know what's up I took a crack candy cake pic He'll eat a mop And exotic match I jump and dance Swingin' my matoos Chimney's the thing A lubricating cream We keep it loose On the first date Send me a little Jack Horny kind The second date Give me a grudgy, grudgy pride Yeah, snowballs on the hood Bon Appetit With a condom in my tree All I want for s**t Is in my two front teeth My two front teeth My two front teeth All I want for s**t Is in my two front teeth Yo, if a rhyme for me, buckwheat Buckwheat is a rascal That's the whole Christmas And all the toys, boys and girls F**k your wishes I'm not happy Overjoyed in this motherf**ker No endo under my tree So, Santa be a sucker Throw s**t on the roof Corn for Rudolph's neck When I was young I was the only kid Who had enough guts to be Good old Aaron on the East Now you wait Just to let America know That Santa wasn't fake I used to believe in s**t When Elvis was alive But all that f**king f**k Got played when I was five Years old Just a young, bold Titan Singing Silent Night Carolyn reciting Now all I want for Christmas Is fighting, don't freak I got my two front teeth Uncle Easy, Pizza, Jeezy And just break me a limb Little kids don't cry When you find out That Santa Claus Is just a f**king guy On the third Day of Christmas My homeboys gave to me Three pounds of s**t Two thirds of s**t And a A, motherf**ker Easy E, oh Easy E Show us how you treat those f**king kids I don't mind being f**king Easy Claus Close the door, little f**k I'm getting these drawers I'm gonna tell my daddy If you ask, don't stop I don't give a f**k I'm getting Christmas Ho, ho, ho And away I go Who say Nick's got a f**k like a hoe But where's that s**t That's motherf**king Jesus Shut the f**k up And go back to sleep You're black, you're the one for Christmas You're black, I want a job You're for my Christmas None of your f**ks are bagel Want some corn on the cob Or you will eat some mozaball soup For the n*****s We'll eat some chicken and chilens Watermelon, cornbread, and some food loot Now who's caroling out of my window Smoking up indoor Mecca, lecca, ha, mecca, I know Ho, ho, get on my f**k yard with your carol You rocker get busy Excitement like a Rippity-bop-bop-bop-bop I am on a rhyme-up I'm down with the Advent clan We're making a s**t I'm slamming Christmas time up The simple sound of cribbers Make me jump, jump, jump Um-de-lee-dum, um-de-lee-dum Um-de-lee-dum, um-de-lee-lee-dum You're what you want for Christmas You're black, I want some cash So I can buy some in Crying against some a** Yo, here comes the Advent clan Rock-a-rock-a-rock A-rum-pa-pum-pum Uh-rum-pa-pum-pum Uh-rum-pa-pum-pum Merry mother f**k Christmas Merry mother f**k Christmas Merry mother f**k Christmas And have a f**ked up New Year Merry mother f**k Christmas Merry mother f**k Christmas Merry mother f**k Christmas And have a f**ked up New Year Merry mother f**k Christmas Merry mother f**k Christmas Sing-nec Merry mother f**k Christmas And have a f**ked up New Year C'mon. Merry mother f**k Christmas Merry mother f**k Christmas Merry mother f**k Christmas And have a f**ked up New Year Merry mother f**k Christmas Merry mother f**k Christmas Merry mother f**k Christmas And have a f**ked up New Year And they all went to prison lived f**ked up lives ever after The End