My stupid boyfriend can't find his own house on a map My stupid girlfriend can make any question a trap My stupid boyfriend wants mommy to pick up his room My stupid girlfriend fills each day with impending doom When only they come to a sudden end Then you could be my stupid girlfriend My stupid girlfriend thinks sex is some kind of sin My stupid boyfriend drinks only the stinkiest gin My stupid girlfriend just mumbles in her private code My stupid boyfriend takes any excuse to explode Oh, if only they'd follow the overdose trend Then you could be my stupid boyfriend My stupid girlfriend takes hours to make up her mind My stupid boyfriend is always one sentence behind My stupid boyfriend loves nobody more than himself My stupid girlfriend's in love with her pet magic elf We don't even like them, so why pretend? When you could be my stupid boyfriend Oh, if only they'd come to a sudden end Then you could be my stupid girlfriend