I don't know. I just find, like, the older I'm getting, the more relaxed I am about my own ***ual turn-ons.
You know, I don't know if anyone else is the same. I'm sort of caring less.
So when I was 18, I had very definite ideas of what I did and didn't like in the bedroom.
Now, 33, not as bothered.
I'll give you an example. Like, 18, everybody's like, no, no, no, no, no, we're definitely not doing that.
33, I'm like, I'm not really into that, but go on, knock yourself out.
Just give me a tap on the shoulder when you're finished.
I draw the line, though, in certain areas.
I was touring around Australia last year. I was on the road for about six weeks, right?
And I was single. I was pretty lonely. And I was in, like, a different town every night.
And after one of the shows, I met this girl, and we got on pretty well.
We had a few drinks, and I said, look, what do you fancy doing this evening?
And she was like, oh, let's go back to your hotel room.
So, like, we go back to the hotel room.
Now, I know it's just going to be, like, a one-night stand,
because I have to...
I have to go to a different town the next day,
and she has to go to work as well the next morning, right?
So, I'm like, it's just going to be, like, a normal one-night stand.
Well, I say it was a normal one-night stand.
It was a normal one-night stand until half or further ***, right?
She stopped, and she said, let me know when you're about to come,
and I'll start choking you.
Yeah, I'm not going to lie.
I had a pretty similar response to you guys, actually.
Stunned silence followed by nervous laughter.
I was like, we're definitely not doing that, you know?
What's the equivalent?
Like, let me know when you're nearly there,
and I'll hit you in the tits?
It's unacceptable, isn't it?
Like, violence in a ***ual scenario.
I was like, what do you mean?
Like, you'll start choking me.
She goes, well, it makes the orgasm better.
Yeah, it makes the orgasm better.
I was like, there's loads of areas of my life, right,
that could be improved.
The orgasm has never struck me as one of them.
They're tip-top, aren't they? Orgasms.
They're top notch, aren't they?
You know, after an orgasm, you're sort of lying there
in a mixture of blissful, yet vulnerable states.
I've never been thinking to myself,
oh, I wish that had gone better.
They're incapacitatingly good, aren't they?
It's like the pinnacle of human experience, you know?
For me, like, choking doing *** to improve an orgasm
is kind of like climbing Mount Everest,
whilst carrying a stepladder.
Admittedly, you might get that a little bit higher than everyone else.
I'm not really sure the inherent danger involved
is worth the * risk.
You didn't do it, you know? It's dangerous, isn't it?
I just wouldn't know when to stop, you know?
I was talking about this on stage in Liverpool.
I was like, I just wouldn't know when to stop.
And a woman at the back of the room just went,
keep going until you see Jesus.
I think I'll take that advice, though.
I'll pinch your socks off.
You don't strike me as a trained medical professional.
We didn't do it, right?
But, like, I said earlier on, I'm a very curious man,
so I was thinking, it's always better to have knowledge
and not need it than not have the knowledge and need it.
So, like, after we were having ***, I thought,
I'm going to ask her about this to, like, figure out how it works, basically.
So we're, like, laying next to each other, and I said,
just for me to know, you know, how does it work?
And she goes, ah, it's really simple.
I was like, well, come on, explain.
And she goes, basically, I'll just, like, choke you, right,
until you have an orgasm, and then I'll stop choking you.
I was like, yeah, I think anything feels better
if prior to that you're being choked.
I'll give you an example, right.
After the show tonight, I go back to my flat.
I'm sat in my kitchen, right, eating a pot noodle.
Unseen by me, right, a man climbs in through the window behind me,
creeps up behind me,
starts choking me,
and then fucks off back out the window.
I return to my pot noodle,
and be like, this is the best goddamn pot noodle I've ever had.
I'm noticing flavours I never knew were in pot noodles.
I'm so happy to be alive.