The seasons upon us is that time of year Brandy and eggnog, there's plenty at share There's lights on the trees and there's reeds to be hung There's mischief and mayhem and songs to be sung There's bells and there's holly, the kids are gung-ho True love finds a kiss beneath fresh mistletoe Some families are messed up while others are fine If you think yours is crazy, well you should see mine My sisters are whackjobs, I wish I had none Their husbands are losers and so are their sons My nephew's a horrible, wise little twit He once gave me an ice gift wrap box full of shit He likes to pelt carolers with icy snowballs I'd rather take him out back and dick him more than the halls With family like this I would have to confess I'd be better off lonely, distraught and depressed The seasons upon us is that time of year Brandy and eggnog, there's plenty at share There's lights on the trees and there's reeds to be hung There's mischief and mayhem and songs to be sung They call this Christmas where I'm from My mum likes to cook, push our buttons and prod My brother just brought home another big prod The eyes rolling, whispers coming out from the kitchen I'd come home more often if they'd only quit bitching Dad on the other hand's a selfish old sod He drinks whiskey alone with my miserable dog Who won't run or fetch, yeah, he couldn't care less He'd have bought my teddy bear and left me the mess The seasons upon us is that time of year Brandy and eggnog, there's plenty at share There's lights on the trees and there's reeds to be hung There's mischief and mayhem and songs to be sung They call this Christmas where I'm from The table's set, we're raised and told The Father, Son and the Holy Ghost I'm so glad this day only comes once a year You can keep your opinions, your presents, your Happy New Year They call this Christmas where I'm from They call this Christmas where I'm from They call this Christmas where I'm from