Ladies, can we be real?
I feel like we've bonded.
Can we be real?
Okay, ladies, it's about to be 2017.
Can y'all stop bullshitting?
Can you stop acting like you all don't like dick
as much as we like pussy?
Because it's clear y'all like it way more.
No, y'all like it to the point where it's * disgusting.
It's gross.
It's gross.
You're laughing because you got little dick-shaped devices
hidden throughout the house.
You got stuff named after animals.
It's a butterfly.
It's a jackrabbit.
It's a snapping turtle.
What is it?
You ever been at your girl's house looking for batteries
and a dick fell out on you?
That *'s scary.
Worst thing.
Being in a haunted house.
You can't just get a dick sprung on you.
You looking for *.
This * fell out the closet.
Woo!
This * started rolling towards me.
It backed me in a corner.
I was, oh!
You can't pick it up, so you got to step over it.
Go get her.
Hey!
Come in here.
Put this * on the ground.
It almost knocked me out.
That's gross, ladies.
It's disgusting.
Y'all laughing and *, it's not funny.
It's not.
No dude in here got a can of pussy in the car.
I know, because they don't make it.
If they did, I would have went to Costco.
Let me get a whole pallet of pussy.
I want a whole pallet.
Here, get the forklift.
I need a whole pallet.
I got a U-Haul out back.
I'm finna get a whole pallet of pussy, pal.
Move.
That's gross.
Ladies, I hear y'all, though.
Y'all get together.
You link your little minds up.
If you listen, you can hear ladies if they all thinking the same thing.
If you listen close enough, you can hear it.
I hear y'all.
And right now, in your mind, you going, so?
Men love pussy.
Why we can't like dicks?
Yes, you know what?
You right, ladies.
Men do love pussy.
But I'll let you in on a little secret.
Men love pussy.









Men love everything that comes with the pussy.
We like your legs.
We like your hips.
We like your stomach.
We like your breasts.
We like your lips.
We like your face.
We like everything that comes with the pussy.
Not just the pussy.
That's gross.
Just the pussy?
Ugh.
Have you ever seen just the pussy?
No.
Have you ever seen just the pussy?
I don't want to.
If it was just the pussy sitting here right now, everybody would be like, oh, what is
it?
Kill it.
What is it?
Call the animal people.
There'd be a dude out here like, I've never seen one this fat before.
I got it.
We're going to take it someplace comfortable.
It's gross.
That's gross.
We love everything about y'all, ladies.
Everything.
But that's not how y'all feel about us.
Y'all don't care about us.
You don't give a * about us.
* the body.
Where the dicks at?
I just want a dick.
Can I get a dick with a belt on it?
Do you have a dick with suspenders?
Is this the new hyper dick?
It's gas and electric?
That's gross.
They got stores for y'all to shop at.
Yeah.
Even if they had a pussy store, I wouldn't know how to shop for one.
I'd be in there for hours, confused, just.
Excuse me, so we can't try none of them on?
Okay.
All right.
Well, how were they raised?
Are they free range pussies?
Because I don't know.
So I'm making it up.
Okay.
All right.
So I'm making this up.
I see how you ladies are looking at me.
I'm making this * up.
I know what y'all do.
What you do for your little birthday parties?
Your little bachelorette parties?
Yeah.
See back there.
What you doing?
You're sipping out of dick straws.
Wearing little dick hats.
Swinging them around and they make noise.
Feeding each other dick cake.
Playing pin the dick on the balls.
You done hired a lady to play the dick flute as soon as you come in.
Ugh.
That's gross.
That's disgusting, ladies.
You need to be ashamed of yourselves.
Blowing up dick balloons.
I can't get no head at the house, but you drinking out of dick straws.
Put that daiquiri down.
Fellas, do we do * like that?
All my dudes, all my fellas in here, have you ever been to your homeboy birthday party
or you went to his bachelor party and everybody was waiting for him to come in and when he
came in, everybody just popped out blowing on clit whistles.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Come on in.
Get some of that pussy pie.
Scrape the hair off.
You don't like no hair on here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Get your little coochie cupcake.
Stick your finger in it.
Ugh.
That's gross.
Nobody rush you to the back to beat up the pussy pinata.
That's disgusting.
That's what y'all do.
Sitting around eating dick cake.
And where you get the dick cake from?
Who made the dick cake?
You better not be at the regular bakery ordering dick cake.
It's old ladies and kids in the line.
And here you come.
Yes, let me get two dick cakes with extra sprinkles on the balls.
Get your ass out this line, lady.
It's a little kid in line.
I want a dick cake for my birthday.
Shut up.
You don't even know what it is.
Get over there.
.
Hey, I'm Clayton English.
Pittsburgh, you have been * amazing.
Make some noise for your goddamn selves.