I think weed should be legal everywhere.
It helps people, it does.
It helps the little kids.
The little kids, the little kids who have seizures,
it helps them.
It helps the people with cancer
when they gotta go through chemotherapy, it helps them.
It helps the old people with Alzheimer's.
Did you know that?
Yeah.
They smoke the weed, then they forget, they can't remember.
That * is amazing.
If you know somebody with Alzheimer's,
take them some weed, see how they act.
You'll find out your granddad knew how to roll up.
He hit the *, started remembering everybody's names.
God damn it, Joy, where you been?
*.
Get my attorney on the phone.
You * * up.
That's why y'all don't take weed down to the old folks home.
Y'all don't work.
But weed's safe.
Think about it, other drugs.
Take too much of them, what happens?
Prescription drugs, take too much of them, what happens?
What happens?
Die from a overdose.
Dead.
Whoever died from a weed overdose.
When has that happened?
When have they ever rushed anybody to the ER?
Hurry up, get them some Froot Loops and some Kool-Aid
before Cottonmouth sets in.
This man's got the munchies.
We need a Lord Pepperoni, stat, I think we can save him.
What are you talking about?
No.
It's safe.
Go to the emergency room and say,
hey, I got too high, I smoked too much weed.
You know what they gonna do?
They gonna give you a cookie and say,
go sit your stupid ass down over there.
We got real lives we trying to save.
Be you and 10 other motherfuckers eating cookies,
looking stupid.
You gonna finish your cookie?
Yes.
Don't ask me for my cookie.
I'm trying to get well.
This *.
I think it should be legal.
They still talking about it's a war on drugs.
I think we should be legal, man.
I don't think it's a war on drugs.
I don't think there's ever been a war on drugs.
I think it's a war on people.
It's a war on taking people to jail and making money
off of them through the process.
No, look, I'm saying what I see.
So if it was really a war on drugs,
you would stop all the new drugs from coming out.
But that's not what they do.
Every few years, we got some new super drugs.
They got some powerful * on the streets right now.
They got some meth, it's so strong.
The people smoke it, they teeth fall out immediately.
Like they got hit with a piano on it.

You know, Looney Tunes, just tink, tink, tink.
That fake weed, the synthetic weed,
that *'ll make you go crazy.
Yeah, yeah, you butt naked in the streets
singing Prince songs.
When they got the heroin, the heroin's so bad now,
the people taking the heroin, they die from an overdose.
Then they come back to life, write a suicide note,
and die again, twice, two times.
We don't even have ecstasy no more.
They got molly now.
That's like concentrated ecstasy.
That's like ecstasy times 10.
And it's bad, but it's kind of good.
Listen, shut up, it's bad.
Wait, it's so good that nobody needs to feel that good.
It's so good, it's bad.
I don't take it no more.
No, because you don't know how people act.
I know how I act on it, but I don't know how other people act.
One time at my home,
was like, look, we got these girls. They want us to
come over there and kick it with them. I got the
molly. Let's go ahead and take it now.
That way, by the time we get over there, it'll
kick in. I was like, okay, cool.
So I took mine.
I was good.
He took his.
And then he started pacing around the house.
And then he came in the room where I
was, and he was like, man, I'm trying to
* something. I was like, something?
That's a
wide range of *. No,
man. I don't want to go no more.
I'm not trying to find out if I'm something or
nothing. I'm getting the * out of here.
I'm pretty sure something is anything
in this one.
Oh, man.
I'm just saying, I think it should be legal.
I'm not going to jail for weed either. I'll tell you that
right now.
Not here.
I'm not nowhere.
It don't matter.
Because I don't keep more weed on me than I can eat.
I will eat that *
immediately.
As soon as I see the headlights.
Sometimes if I got more weed
than I think I can eat in one bite,
I take little cups of
applesauce.
And if I get pulled over, I
pour the weed in the applesauce and mix it together
like old people take their medicine.
That way I can get it down real
real fast. And plus, as
a black man, you got to look as least
threatening as possible around the
police. And what looked less
threatening than eating
some * with a spoon?
No. You can't say I looked
aggressive if I was finishing
my applesauce.
I don't like how police talk.
Talk to people. Don't pull me
over and start yelling at me immediately.
You don't know what's going on
in my life. Okay?
Treat me like a person. You don't know
what's going on in my life. I'm high.
I can't think
when you yell at me, okay?
They come up, roll with them now, right now. Roll it
down. I'm like, oh *, where is the
window? Hold on. Let me.
Goddamn. I think I got the child
locks on.
You know what? I forgot. This one don't work. You're gonna have
to walk around here. Just stop yelling.
Walk around here
and get you an applesauce, sis.
Police pull you over. They try to, you know.
Police pull you over.
They want to find the drugs.
So they got those drug dogs.
I don't believe in drug dogs.
I don't think that's a real
thing.
I believe
in dogs. I like dogs.
Maybe
you can give a dog drugs
and he'll be, but I don't think
that there's dogs out there that can sniff out
all the different types of drugs and show you
exactly where they are all the
time. I don't believe that.
Because if that was
the case, I would have
went to the shelter and adopted 12
goddamn dogs.
And I'd have a drug dog sled
team that I just walk through bad
neighborhoods shouting out
what I'm looking for. Just, kush!
Kush!
Kush! Let's go, boys!
We found two pounds yesterday.
We got to do better. Come on.
Ah, come on. Ah, ah, put that back.
Put it back. That's heroin. You're going to be sleepy.
Come on. You're going to be sleepy. Come on.
No, I don't just say
this because I'm just making stuff up.
I don't believe in drugs. Look, I've been pulled over
by the police before and they had the
drug dog, okay?
Now, I had smoked some weed, but I didn't
have any weed.
All the weed was gone. I ate it.
The police pulled
me over and, you know, he got
the dog out the car and
he walked the dog around the car and he
walked the dog to the trunk of the car
and then he tapped on the trunk and the dog
jumped up there and he was like,
the dog's telling me that it's weed
in the car. And I
said, what?
So I looked at the dog.
Then I looked at the trunk
and I tapped on the trunk and the dog
jumped back up there and I was like, well, he told
me, no, it's not. He made a mistake.
You're not the only
dog whisperer, officer.
That's get up here. Every
dog knows how to do that.
That's...
Oh, alright.